He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
