I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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