Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
foreskin is a definite game changer
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
