I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
