I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize