I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
