dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
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