I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
