my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
