I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
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I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
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He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
My penis needs a shock collar
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Text me some of your sweat
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