You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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