i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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