this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
