i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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