Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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