You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
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My thoughts exactly.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
