Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
