ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
