Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
did i just pee glitter
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
