No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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