"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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