All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
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After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
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I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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