Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
