Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
