All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
