You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
wow bdsm is so cute
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