remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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