We should be called the Road Head Warriors
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
