It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
