Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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