I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Still dying that you shit outside
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
