I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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