She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
