come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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