What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
