I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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