I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
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All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
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Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize