i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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