I wish I could punch you in the face.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
