I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I am naked and annoyed.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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