I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
