The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
