good thing vaginas are great cup holders
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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