party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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