I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
