its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Text me some of your sweat
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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