I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
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Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
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Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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