you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
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I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
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I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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