My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
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I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
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I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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