You're a womanizer and a bitch.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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