I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Randomize
