I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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