i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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