Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
did i just pee glitter
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
