just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
