they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
We need to get me chipped asap
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
