There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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