thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
