Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
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