can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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