:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
