doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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