How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
