dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize