Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
