I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
