weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
