Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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