dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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