My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
