He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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