oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
what day is it and did you see me today?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
