I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
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