Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
