went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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