So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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