hotel room ftw
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
