Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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