I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
