I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
