What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
