we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Green mimosas i think yes
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
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