when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Randomize
