you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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